So if you haven’t seen from my frequent and severely overexposed Instagram posts, I’ve spent the past few days in the Blue Mountains aka arguably the most beautiful place in Australia except for a) Wilsons Prom and b) Ikea Springvale.
Anyway like most white twenty year olds I like to carry my polaroid around and wear activewear and get people to take photos of me and nature to make myself look more outdoorsy and cultured than I actually am. So here’s my advice on how to survive three days in the middle of flipping nowhere:
1. Rent a Tiny House
Okay so in my pursuit of all things mildly Pinterest worthy I’ve decided I want to live in a tiny house, which is beyond ridiculous because I have so much flipping stuff. Also there is no way I could live in confined spaces with the love of my life as we can’t even manage to live in the same state at the best of times. Nonetheless we thought it’d be a great idea to stay in an air bnb AKA some random Blue Mountains resident’s garage. I’ll be honest though it was super cute. I mean we were literally staying in an attic. But it was cute. There was also wine. And a leather couch like that one in my mum’s formal living room that will one day be in my library that also has a ladder like in the lolly shop in the Candyman song from the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (this library will be in the mansion I live in after I live in a tiny house.) And it made for great photos.
Occasionally I get a little stressed out and have a wee hissy about something totally silly. Like hiking boots. My hiking boots are my prized possession because I got them for an absolute steal and also I wore them to Africa so every time I wear them I’m reminded of how much of a good Samaritan I am for going to schoolies in Africa. So when an un-named person (you all know who it is) decided he didn’t want me wearing my Nikes on a bush walk I knew I needed to wear my hiking boots. But of course he thought that was excessive. So there was this big drama about bringing the hiking boots. And then the night before the trip SOMEBODY couldn’t find my hiking boots. Rip. I was not a happy camper. So I was a little hysterical (and not at all drunk and at karaoke murdering Celine Dion) and got a little bit angry because no one was looking properly for my hiking boots. Three hours later they couldn’t find them. Because it turns out, they were in my wardrobe in Brisbane. Oops.
3. Nutrition is key
The great thing about being in an Air BnB is that all you get in your little kitchen is a microwave and a bar fridge. And all they sell at the local friendly grocer is cans of soup and packet pasta. So all we ate for three days was packet semi-alfredo, which is essentially just carbs and butter, and cans of potato and leek soup (but there wasn’t really any leek). It’s really important that every day you have a healthy salad sandwich while you’re on your bushwalk. And then go home to your tiny house, eat your three bowls of butter and cardboard pasta followed by an entire four person serving of Sara Lee Sticky Date Pudding. Because, health.
4. Get a Map
Oh my lordy if I had a dollar for every time my mum or dad asked me if I wanted to borrow a map for the Blue Mountains. Holy Moly. They loved maps. Sometimes I wonder what they were like when they were married but know I realise that they clearly were both flipping obsessed with maps. It wasn’t that I didn’t think I needed a map. It was more that I didn’t think I needed a map from twenty years ago that didn’t include half the roads that now exist in the world. Turns out Google maps wasn’t that reliable either, especially when your boyfriend takes 12 hours to search a street name and you’ve been carrying your bags for basically that entire 12 hours. Anyway we ended up getting to the bloody visitor centre and realised we desperately needed a map to work out exactly which walks we were doing. So we spent TEN DOLLARS FIFTY on a flipping massive map that we couldn’t even unfold properly. And how many times did we look at that map. ZE.RO.
Honestly this makes it sound like a a not so amazing trip. But it was amazing. It was low-key the best three days of my life. Great photos, questionable food, fantastic boots. 10/10 would recommend.