Photo by Micah H.
It’s Mother’s Day which is all well and cute because every single person in the world is posting some disgustingly grainy photo of them and their Mum. Oh wait I did that. But congrats, someone gave birth to you. Also cafe’s were more expensive today which sucks.
Also now would be the perfect time to reveal that I’m pregnant and going to be a mum etc. etc. I mean, I’m not. I’m just acknowledging what a fantastic marketing/self promotion opportunity Mother’s Day is. Sam and Snez know.
Anyway I have 2.5/3 mums which is worth celebrating. Between them they do some pretty ridiculous/cute/funny/annoying stuff. I’m sure your Mum(s) do the same.
Our friends have shed some light on their Mum’s. Turns out your Mum will probably fall into one of these five (wildly inaccurate and stereotypical) categories:
1. The cute Mum
One of our friends lives out of home with her siblings. They both went overseas for three weeks. So despite the fact that she’d been living out of home for almost two and a half years, her Mum thought she would temporarily move in. So she cooked, cleaned practically did everything for her adult daughter. And just in case, our friend spontaneously died of starvation in the three hours her Mum was away before her siblings came home, Mama made about 3000 meals for the freezer. Yeah she’s pretty cute (and a bloody good cook).
2. The neat-freak Mum
My mum is a chronic cleaner. It’s terrible. When I go home I like to leave my suitcase in my room and just live out of it. Mum can’t stand this. So when she comes into my room she deliberately goes out of her way to walk right into my suitcase in the corner of my room and then goes “Oh your case is in the way, it’s a real hazard.” She’ll come home from work and look at the kitchen bench. Somehow manage to notice a single fingerprint and go “So who did you have over today?”. One time a friend spilt tea on the carpet. Mum was not impressed. The next time he came over? Mum left out a bib and a sippee cup. Ruthless.
3. The low-key racist Mum
When Moy was learning to drive (probably like a year ago because she’s so young), she went with her Mum (her Mumma’s pre-Insta days). So as Moy’s attempting to navigate the Melbourne traffic, her Mum yells out “Be careful on the roads and look out for other drivers. Some people just don’t know how to drive, ESPECIALLY the Chinese.” … Moy’s Chinese.
4. The technologically impaired Mum
Oh God we’ve all been there. You trying to tell your Mum that she doesn’t have to yell down the phone when it’s on speaker. Teaching your Mum how to download photos. Trying to tell your Mum that not every photo on your birthday slideshow needs a Fill Effects background. One of our friend’s Mum’s gets confused by abbreviations. For the longest time she thought LOL meant Look, Oh, Look! Not even kidding. Look oh flipping look. Too good.
5. The “did I tell you I’m a Mum?” Mum
We get it, being a Mum is hard. (I mean, actually I don’t get it because I’ve never given birth to a child. Or had any experience with a child. But still, I don’t want to hear about how you haven’t had any sleep. Or how your baby managed to laugh with one eye closed and it’s tongue out for the first time today. And I DEFINITELY don’t want to go to your tupperware party, but thanks. And thanks for putting all of this on Facebook.
Oh Mum. Thanks for giving me
good mildly unfunny blog fodder. And for taking to Ikea for breakfast. And for letting me watch you put on fake eyelashes for the first time the other day – that was priceless. “I think she glued my eye shut” – quote unquote my Mum.
Until Father’s Day,