Hard Knock Life

Photo by Fabian Blank

“I can’t, I’m so broke right now” – actual quote from my mouth at least 3025 times a day this past month.

Currently praying for Lord Kanye to make it rain. –GIPHY.com

Student life is tough. It’s 72% two-minute noodles, 26% hanging out for those free taste testers at the supermarket and 2% becoming a vegetarian because you can’t afford your burger addiction anymore.

This might be an exaggeration. To clarify, I’m not actually that broke. I’m what one might call circumstantially broke. I’m the kind of person that refuses to pay $2.60 for sushi -quite frankly, for an avocado roll that is outrageous – but will happily spend $9.50 on juice because #aesthetic.

It doesn’t help that I’ve chosen a career that will probably see me writing pathetic obituaries for a rural newspaper until I finally retire at the ripe old age of 97. Finishing my degree and becoming the weather girl I’ve always dreamed of seems less and less likely every day whilst leaving university in favour of life as a high-end stripper for governors and athletes is becoming highly probable.


Of course this all seems awfully tragic – and it would be if it weren’t for the fact that I’d just forked out a small fortune to replace my dying phone earlier that day. (RIP LIZZIES PHONE OF DREAMS).

Don’t even get me started on the amount of avocado rolls I could have bought for dinner with that money.

As I said, I’m only circumstantially broke.

giphy (1)

Because of this new purchase, I was to order a side dish of steamed vegetables for dinner at a restaurant. I then begged the world’s kindest taxi-driver to speed home, as I couldn’t afford the $2 surcharge for paying on card. He ran five red lights and I still had to walk the last block home. But at least I got some great selfies during the walk on my new phone.

I also thought I’d be a great friend and make birthday cocktails for the crew. It turns out you cannot just make cocktails out of whatever ingredients you find in the pantry. Passion Pop alone is not a cocktail no matter what glass you serve it in. Similarly, shaking salt onto the table where you’ve spilled tequila and telling your friends to “take a shot off the table” is probably taking it too far when you’re trying not be wasteful with your alcohol. Again, at least snapchat captured the entire experience in all 23 stunning mega pixels.

You, probably. –GIPHY.com

So don’t feel sorry for me. Whilst you’re sitting in your Camilla kaftan getting your platinum card out of your $3000 Mimco coin purse to pay for your $25 kale salad, I’ll be fine. I’ll be perfectly fine sitting here in my cotton on t-shirt, eating my 79c can of chickpeas and trying not to drop my brand new, cost-me-an arm-and-a-leg phone.

On reflection, perhaps it is not in fact me that is poor but rather, my life choices.


3 thoughts on “Hard Knock Life

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