Square Eyes or 10 Life Lessons I’ve Learned From Reality TV

Photo by Sven Scheuermeier

From Kartrashians to Real Housewives, I do love to binge on reality TV. Or any TV if I’m completely honest. Whilst you may judge me for being a hopeless romantic because I think its acceptable to watch back to back episodes of shows about wedding dresses for an entire day, TV has enriched my life in many ways. Here are 20 deepest truths that have truly changed my life through my reality TV soul-searching journey.

1.You Are Woman, Hear You Roar.


Nothing says confidence like watching a good old bitch fight between Melbourne’s elite. Reality TV reminds me that more often than not you might as well stand up and fight for what you believe in because either way you’ll end up looking like a whiny bitch. Be confident. Girl work that Updo.

2. Every opportunity is an opportunity to look good.


No matter what the situation if you are looking good, take time to bask in your own glory. Enjoy the moment and take a selfie. Or eight. Don’t let others rain on your hot parade. Appreciate your own beauty. And remember to let everyone else appreciate how on point you looked when they see said selfie on Sunday night Insta.

3. It’s important to have clear goals.


There is nothing sexier than a girl who knows what she wants and is prepared to do anything to get it. Especially when like me, you spend 96.2% of your time wanting to stuff your face with a burger. Very attractive, trust me.

4. Don’t let others down, but more importantly; don’t let yourself down.


There is nothing worse than shitting the bed. Excuse the expression. Don’t be the person that takes something beautiful and effs it up. Try and remember not everyone has had the opportunities you have.

5. You deserve your own fairytale.


Just like Katherine Heigl in that movie with all of the bridesmaid dresses, you two will get your own happy ever after. Don’t go for second best. Baby. Remember compromise is only a sign of defeat.

6. It’s hard being the best.


It’s difficult when you’re clearly flawless and everybody is else is a 3/10. Sometimes it’s okay to be frustrated with other people’s flaws. However it’s best to keep these feelings to yourself.

7. But then again.


Sometimes you just gotta tell it like it is and let them know who’s boss.

8. Haters gonna hate.

as retrieved

Don’t ever let others tell you you’re not good enough. You is kind. You is smart. You is important. You is mermaid.

9. Never forget your roots.


Everyone loves a good rags to riches backstory. If you don’t have one you’ll probably never be on the X – Factor. If you have one, make sure you tell people as often as you can. The world loves good sob story.

10. It’s red.


There is never an excuse for using the term blood orange. Kimmy K wouldn’t and nor should you.

Great. I’m gonna go sit in front of my mirror and pretend I’m doing the interview parts of a reality show about me. It’s called ‘A Mildly Exciting Day with Queen Liz and Other Adventures.’ Everybody’s excited about it.


It’s now time for Bruce Caitlyn Jenner’s tell all interview so that is my wisdom done for the day.



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