Photo by Andrew Scofield
On the weekend Moy and I bought a tent. This might be a slight exaggeration of the situation but long story short we found ourselves with a six man tent going on the camping adventure of a lifetime (Think Deathly Hallows Part 1 style but with less emotional shit-storming from Hermione) Luckily we both have heaps of previous camping experience and by this I mean when we were thirteen we camped overnight at our school farm. Peaking.
So anyway we embarked on our 20 hour camping extravaganza that involved us sleeping over night at an athletics track in our six man tent. It might be important to note at this stage that their were actually a few other people with us, we didn’t just want a super large tent for us and our
camp food chocolate.
After what seemed like an 83 day struggle to put up the tent we finally got there and after learning how to construct our very own verandah-tarp we settled in for the arvo.
Now seeing as though we both anticipated eating three times our body weight in chocolate that night, we thought we’d be super good and get in a quick ab workout before dinner. Famous last words.
What pursued was twenty minutes of gruelling efforts to not bruise our bones on the ground followed by a measly attempt to not slip over on our bed-mats whilst planking. What we learned from the experience was:
1) Don’t ever attempt to exercise in order to justify your chocolate needs. It’s just not worth it.
2) Remember if you are planning on exercising do not do it INSIDE your tent as two small people in one small space with little to no ventilation makes it feel like you are doing bikram yoga in the butterfly enclosure at the zoo.
3) Certainly don’t ask to borrow your friends tent if her father keeps his tent pegs in an ammo box that looks like something out of Saving Private Ryan. You will receive odd looks and trick yourself into thinking it’s a ‘Tomorrow When the War Began’ type situation.
4) Make sure you situate your tent near some super outdoorsy looking people (think Nigel Thornberry) to assist you just in case you have tent-related catastrophes.
5) Bring 525600 blankets, unless of course you are planning on replicating a camping trip in Siberia. Camping gets as cold as Professor McGonagall when addressing Ron and Harry at the start of the first HP movie.
6) If you’re planning on bringing a guitar choose you songs wisely, no one wants to make the mistake of sitting around the campfire singing innocent and not intentionally offensive songs about butch-looking lesbians that write poetry only to be confronted by a bunch of butch-looking lesbians at the campsite beside you. Not cool.
All in all a going camping is a lot like waking up and realising you drunkenly hooked up with your best mate: It’s uncomfortable at first, but it makes for a great story.